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Life Guide U.S. essentials
English

After a parent dies, tell the child the truth, let them attend the farewell, and don't send them elsewhere for “a change of scene”

  • High value
  • Evidence B
  • Buys life
  • Free
  • Takes minutes
  • Some willpower

If you are thinking about suicide right now, call or text 988. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

In plain words

Children who lose a father or mother before age 18 are about 50% more likely to die by early adulthood than children who have not. When a parent died of an accident or suicide, it is about 80% higher, and when of illness, about 30% higher. What a family can do is tell the child the truth, let them attend the farewell, not interrupt school, and not send them to a relative's home for a change of surroundings.

Cost

Free. The hard part is that you are hurting too and still have to talk it through with the child.

What you get

The entire population born in Denmark from 1968 to 2008 and in Sweden from 1973 to 2006 was counted. Added to this was 89.3% sampled from those born in Finland from 1987 to 2007. In all, more than 7,300,000 (730万) people. Among them, 189,094 lost a parent before age 18. The death rate from all causes combined in these children was 50% higher than in those who had not lost a parent (mortality rate ratio 1.50, 95% CI 1.43–1.58, about 1.5 times). Where the parent died of unnatural causes such as an accident or suicide it was 1.84 (1.71–2.00), about 80% higher. Where the parent died of natural causes such as illness it was 1.33 (1.24–1.41), about 30% higher. It was highest when the child's cause of death was of the same kind as the parent's.

Notes

When you talk to the child, don't make up “went on a long trip,” and put guardianship and support arrangements in writing. The B is not because the numbers are weak. These are follow-up studies of whole populations in three countries, and the numbers themselves would qualify for A. It is B because there is no direct trial evidence linking the number to the practical question of how to talk to a child and whether to let them attend the farewell. The authors also note that data on the parent-child relationship and the child's lifestyle after the loss are lacking. The increase includes both inborn constitution and the long-term effects left by the loss. For naming a guardian and arranging property, see §17. For child support and schooling, see §18.

Evidence grade
B : Supported by research but without a precise number, or based on small or single studies.
Sources
  1. Li J, et al. (2014). Mortality after parental death in childhood: a nationwide cohort study from three Nordic countries. PLoS Medicine. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1001679

Translated from the Chinese original. Original book, section 29, tip 7. Content may be out of date and rules differ by place. When you actually deal with an agency, a doctor or a court, follow what local officials, doctors and lawyers tell you. Disclaimer