In the first three months after a blow, put off every big decision that can't be undone

If you are thinking about suicide right now, call or text 988. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Cost

Free; you only put the decision off, and may miss some opportunities because of it. The hard part is that at the time it will feel as if opportunities won't wait.

What you get

The aim is to avoid making irreversible decisions about property during the period just after a blow, when judgment is at its worst. Such decisions include selling a home, quitting a job, putting a survivor's allowance or compensation payment into something all at once, hurrying into a new marriage, and acting as guarantor for someone. The amounts in such decisions are usually on the scale of tens of thousands of CNY (数万元) up to a whole home, so the size of the benefit is rated medium. Official documents likewise list “family upheaval, unemployment and dropping out of school” as psychological crisis risks the community should look out for, so the state of mind in this period is already treated as one in which outsiders should lend a hand. The grief guide of the U.S. National Institute on Aging (NIA) lists “difficulty making decisions” as a common feature of grief. It advises that, if you have a choice, you put major life decisions off until you feel better. While you are grieving and may not be thinking clearly, it is best not to make big changes such as selling your home or quitting a job. A study with three experiments used random assignment to put some people into a sad state, then had them choose between “money now” and “money in 3 months.” Compared with people in a calm mood, sad people were willing to take 13% to 34% less money to avoid waiting 3 months. This was sadness induced in an experiment, not real bereavement. In 2023 the U.S. Federal Trade Commission (FTC) warned of a scam in which someone poses as a funeral home and tells the family the funeral will be canceled unless more money is paid at once. The first piece of advice it gives is to hold out against the pressure to “do it right now”; a legitimate business will give you time to decide.

Notes

If there is no such person without a stake around you, call 12356 (China's national mental-health hotline) and talk it through (see §29.11, call 12356 when you want someone to talk with), or write it down yourself and read it again three days later. It is graded B because the direction of “putting it off” is backed by an official grief guide and one randomized experiment. But no study has directly compared the property outcomes of bereaved people who put things off with those who did not. The NIA also says only “wait until you feel better,” without giving a length of time. The “three months” and “more than a month's income” are lines drawn by the author. For common scams aimed at the bereaved and the elderly, see §17 (investment for retirement, reverse mortgages) and §6 (fortune-telling). For the traps of guarantees and IOUs, see §8. A few payments should be actively pursued and are not among the things to “put off”: the provident fund balance, social insurance benefits, and the three payments for a work-related death; see §25 and §19.

Evidence grade

B : Supported by research but without a precise number, or based on small or single studies.

Sources

1. 国家卫生健康委等 25 部门 (2026). 健全社会心理服务体系和危机干预机制实施方案（国卫医政发〔2026〕8 号）. https://www.gov.cn/zhengce/zhengceku/202604/content_7065035.htm
2. National Institute on Aging. Coping With Grief and Loss（「Postpone major decisions if possible」一段，页面 2026-01-26 更新）. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/grief-and-mourning/coping-grief-and-loss
3. Lerner JS, Li Y, Weber EU (2013). The financial costs of sadness. Psychological Science, 24(1), 72-79. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797612450302
4. Puig A, Federal Trade Commission (2023-06-15). Imposters prey on families preparing for the funeral of a loved one. https://consumer.ftc.gov/consumer-alerts/2023/06/imposters-prey-families-preparing-funeral-loved-one

Translated from the Chinese original. Original book, section 29, tip 12. Content may be out of date and rules differ by place. When you actually deal with an agency, a doctor or a court, follow what local officials, doctors and lawyers tell you. Disclaimer