A long-distance relationship is no worse than living in the same city; the real hurdle is the first three months after moving in together

Cost

It costs travel money and the time spent traveling back and forth. You see each other less often than in the same city. The hard part is bearing the long stretches without seeing each other.

What you get

The conclusions of the two studies agree. Long-distance relationships are more stable than same-city ones while the partners are apart. The reason is that in long-distance relationships the degree to which the other person is imagined as better than they are is clearly higher; the study measured idealization distortion, romantic love, memories of the relationship and perceived agreement. And the less often they meet, the rosier the picture. But this stability holds only while the two are still apart, and once they are in the same city, long-distance couples are more likely to break up. The study that followed couples from long distance to the same city gave these proportions: about half of long-distance couples reached the point of moving together, and the other half ended while still apart. Of the half that reunited, one-third broke up within 3 months of reuniting. The longer the gaps between meetings while apart and the stronger the idealization, the less stable they were after reuniting

Notes

The participants were American college students in dating relationships, not marriages, and the studies are relatively old, so don't apply the absolute proportions directly. Another study surveyed 717 people in long-distance and 425 in same-city relationships. The difference in relationship quality between the two kinds was very small, and whether a relationship is good depends mainly on the two people involved and the relationship itself. So when deciding whether to go long distance, don't use "long distance is bound to fall apart" as a reason. What to prepare for in advance is the months after reuniting, when personal space shrinks, you learn more about each other, and conflict and jealousy increase too

Evidence grade

B : Supported by research but without a precise number, or based on small or single studies.

Sources

1. Stafford L, Merolla AJ, Castle JD (2006). When long-distance dating partners become geographically close. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23(6), 901-919. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407506070472
2. Stafford L, Merolla AJ (2007). Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24(1), 37-54. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407507072578
3. Dargie E 等 (2015). Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 41(2), 181-202. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2013.864367（备注里那项异地研究）

Translated from the Chinese original. Original book, section 10, tip 6. Content may be out of date and rules differ by place. When you actually deal with an agency, a doctor or a court, follow what local officials, doctors and lawyers tell you. Disclaimer