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Meet more people instead of fixating on one: whether two people click can't be predicted before they meet

  • Moderate value
  • Evidence A
  • Saves time
  • Free
  • Takes some hours
  • Some willpower

In plain words

In two speed-dating studies, people filled in questionnaires of more than 100 items about what they look for in a partner before they met. The questionnaires could only work out who tends to like others in general and who tends to be popular in general. They could not work out whether these two particular people would click. You only find out whether you click by meeting. So getting to know a few more people is a better bet than staking everything on one.

Cost

Free. Spend your time getting to know a few more people, and don't keep turning over the same one in your mind. The hard part is holding back from fixating.

What you get

In two speed-dating studies, participants first filled in self-report scales (questionnaires where people rate themselves) with more than 100 items on mate choice before meeting. The researchers analyzed them with a random forest model (a pattern-finding algorithm). It could work out "how easily a person likes others overall," and the questionnaires explained 4%–18% of the variance, where variance means the differences between people, so the questionnaires explained only a small part of it. It could also work out "how popular a person is overall," explaining 7%–27%. But "whether these two particular people click" could not be worked out, however the traits and preferences from before the event were combined. The same researchers had earlier run another speed-dating experiment. Participants reported their ideal-partner preferences beforehand, such as valuing looks or financial prospects. These preferences did not predict their interest in a specific person on the spot

Notes

The two studies show only that it "can't be worked out before meeting," not that "no effort helps." You can only find out whether you click by meeting, so spending your time getting to know a few more people, and really meeting each of them once, is a better bet than staking everything on one. The participants were all European and American university students. The dating and marriage environment in China is different, so discount this when applying it to yourself

Evidence grade
A : Specific numbers from meta-analyses, large cohorts or randomized trials; for law and policy, the statute or official text.
Sources
  1. Joel S, Eastwick PW, Finkel EJ (2017). Is romantic desire predictable? Machine learning applied to initial romantic attraction. Psychological Science, 28(10), 1478-1489. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797617714580
  2. Eastwick PW, Finkel EJ (2008). Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245-264. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.94.2.245

Translated from the Chinese original. Original book, section 10, tip 1. Content may be out of date and rules differ by place. When you actually deal with an agency, a doctor or a court, follow what local officials, doctors and lawyers tell you. Disclaimer